Tuesday, September 16, 2008

The SPAOTP Sponsorship Survival Guide

With the demise of West Ham's official shirt sponsor, travel firm XL, and Man United's equivalent, AIG, asking New York state for a multi-billion dollar loan to 'stabilise its finances' (give that one a try next time you meet your bank manager), you might be wondering whether the sponsors of any other Premier League clubs are about to go to the wall.

We certainly did, which is why we bring you our not-particularly-scientific report from the world of big business and high finance…

Arsenal: Emirates
Let's face it - if you were going to hook up with an international airline as your main sponsor during a time of rising fuel prices, it's probably wise to choose one from a country that runs most of the world's oil fields. Last year, in spite of the economic downturn, Emirates made a profit of around £759 million quid - enough to ensure their name remains plastered all over The Gunners' stadium for at least another year with sufficient left over to wave in the face of Alitalia's Chief Executive.
SPAOTP Survival Rating: 9/10

Aston Villa: Acorn
Here's an exception to the rule - Aston Villa aren't so much sponsored by Acorn Children's Hospices as the other way around. For the first time in Premier League history, a club has abandoned the practice of taking as much money from the highest possible bidder, instead choosing to advertise this local registered charity which provides care for over 600 life-limited children and supports their families, too. Long may it continue, and if anyone from West Ham or West Brom are reading this, have you picked up any ideas for shirt sponsorship in the last ten seconds or so?
SPAOTP Survival Rating: N/A

Blackburn: Crown Paints
Er, yes. What can one say… Surely Crown Paints aren't like to go out of business anytime soon, are they? I mean, everyone needs paint, don't they? When did you ever hear about a paint company going into administration? Come to think of it, when did you ever hear about a paint company full stop? No, Crown Paints were around when Liverpool were ruling the old First Division and they'll be around when you and I are long gone too. I just wish they'd bring back that old sheepdog for their adverts. Wait a minute - that was Dulux…
SPAOTP Survival Rating: 7/10

Bolton: Reebok
Yes, Reebok - that British Sportswear company whose future took a distinctly different turn when Adidas bought them out in 2006. Still, Adidas look set to remain as omnipresent as they ever were, raking in one multi-million pound profit after another - the only question is 'how long will the Reebok brand name last for?' No-one seems to know (including us) so don't be surprised if Bolton suddenly stride out in an Adidas kit one day in the not-too-distant future.
SPAOTP Survival Rating: 8/10

Chelsea: Samsung
Electronic giants par excellence, Samsung remain one of the big players in the market, producing every electrical item from vacuum cleaners to mobile phones. And let's face it, the mobile phone boom continues to… er… boom, so don't expect the credit crunch to put even a slight dent in the prospects of this South Korean company. They're here to stay and will always be the best company you can go to when it comes to purchasing your next mobile phone.
(So can I have my free upgrade now, please, Samsung? It's my SGH-G600, you see… the slidey cover doesn't quite work properly and it keeps losing all my ringtones…)
SPAOTP Survival Rating: 10/10

Everton: Chang Beer
They say that even in the deepest economic crisis, people will still buy chocolate, but there's a school of thought that the same applies to beer. If nothing else, it gets you so drunk you don't even realise the world around you is crumbling around you, but who do you know that drinks Chang Beer? Maybe they've got it on the menu down at your local Thai restaurant, but that's probably about all. Then again, if most of Thailand's drinking it, there shouldn't be any problems with it suffering from a lack of popularity. No problems here, we feel.
SPAOTP Survival Rating: 8/10

Fulham: LG
Yet another South Korean consumer electronics giant and arguably bigger than Samsung. A family of almost thirty sub-companies and co-partner with people like Philips and Hitachi, Lucky Goldstar (for that's their proper name) can also afford to be largely ignorant of the mess going on around them in this day and age. A shrewd business deal by Mohammed Al Fayed who knows a thing or two about acquiring a sizeable personal wealth.
SPAOTP Survival Rating: 10/10

Hull City: Kingston Communications
The biggest telecomms company in the world... are what Kingston Communications would like to be, but for now they're merely serving the fine folk of Kingston-upon-Hull. A big fish in a small pond, you might say, but with spiralling utility bills starting to affect your average UK household, will Joe Public turn to one of the millions of other companies providing similar services, hmmm? How long before the dot-com bubble bursts, hmmm? Are we quite possibly talking cobblers, hmmm?
SPAOTP Survival Rating: 6/10

Liverpool: Carlsberg
Carlsberg don't do credit crunches, but if they did, they'd probably be the best credit crunches in the world.
SPAOTP Survival Rating: 10/10

Manchester City: Thomas Cook
Given what happened to XL recently, you'd be excused for thinking any kind of collaboration with a travel company looks set to fail these days, but Thomas Cook are above all that. They've been going for donkey's years and have recently told all and sundry that there seems to be no let up in the number of people going abroad for their holidays. The thing is, as they put their prices up to make the most of the constant demand, so people will go elsewhere. Will their over-confidence prove to be their undoing? Time will tell…
SPAOTP Survival Rating: 8/10

Middlesbrough: Garmin Sat-Nav
Ask someone to name a maker of in-car satellite navigation systems, and people will say 'Tom Tom'. 'Nuff said. If Garmin wanna change that, they may have to drop the prices of their automotive hardware which in turn may affect profits, etc, etc, etc. There we are - another financial profile sorted. No FT - no waffle.
SPAOTP Survival Rating: 7/10

Newcastle: Northern Rock
Let's not waste our time with this one...
SPAOTP Survival Rating: 0/10

Portsmouth: OKI
All we know about this company is that they used to make rather shonky dot matrix printers back in the days of the ZX Spectrum and Commodore 64. Presumably nowadays they're making comparable shonky colour laser printers instead, but don't quote us on that. We're sure their printers are really very good nowadays. Actually we recommend you go out and buy one immediately. Please don't sue us, OKI…
SPAOTP Survival Rating: 7/10

Stoke: Britannia Building Society
Britain's second biggest mutual lender after the Nationwide might be on shakier ground than you think. Their subsidiary company, Platform, relies on capital markets for much of the money it lends, and we all know how well the markets have been doing over the last few days or so. Will Stoke be the next team to embarrassingly cover their replica shirts with a large patch of fabric? All we'll say is the trusty old floorboards look like a good option if you're a Britannia customer…
SPAOTP Survival Rating: 3/10

Sunderland: Boyle Sports
It's probably no bad time to be one of Ireland's biggest betting companies. With household bills going up along with the cost of food, many people are only too happy to increase their monthly incomings by frittering their salary away on the 4.15 at Leopardstown. Nothing to worry about if you’re a fan of the Black Cats.
SPAOTP Survival Rating: 8/10

Tottenham: Mansion
And the same goes for Tottenham who are hooked up with a big name in online gambling and casinos. Yes, there's much to be gained from having a wild punt on a vague uncertainty, but history tells us it can all go wrong, as was proved by the appointment of Christian Gross as Head Coach back in 1997.
SPAOTP Survival Rating: 8/10

West Brom: No sponsor

Wigan: JJB Sports
JJB may no longer make the kits, but it's their name that's still on the shirts, however that may now be about to change. Back in April, JJB announced a drop in profits of some 70%, signalling the closure of 72 of its high street stores. Many blame the failure of England to qualify for Euro 2008 last year as a reason why people weren't rushing out to buy replica shirts from its shops, and with England's future looking decidedly unpredictable, JJB may have to take further economic problems squarely on the chin. Wigan fans - keep your fingers crossed that Fabio can pull some more results out of the bag like the one last Wednesday…
SPAOTP Survival Rating: 5/10


Paul said...

There was quite a few people thinking Carlsberg must be going the way of AIG after last nights Champions League game, as it's a little known fact that french advertising laws prevented Liverpool from displaying the Carlsberg logo ;-)

Chris O said...

Ah yes of course - you're quite right, Paul. I'd forgotten about the ban on alcohol advertising across the channel!

You'd think they'd have a backup sponsor in place... like Perrier, for instance. :)

Nelson said...

Why do West Brom have no shirt sponser?

Chris O said...

Hi Nelson,

As I understand it, WBA had lined up a sponsorship deal with 888.com, the online gambling company, and were due to launch it with great fanfare on August 8th (08.08.08... geddit?)

Unfortunately negotiations collapsed at the last minute leaving the club with not enough time to set up a deal with another sponsor. They decided to leave the shirts blank as a result.


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